Addiction (Guest Blog)

Addiction – Let’s talk about it. Booze, Cocaine, Strippers (the cocktail of trouble), gambling, winning, stealing, cheating, success, masturbation, puppies. Although most of these have had a net positive effect on society and continue to run almost all of my thought. These are some of the biggest vices that I have and will have for the rest of my life. 

But today I found a new vice. Something that I have never experienced before. Coffee. Did you know that coffee actually comes from coconut trees? Well it doesn’t. It comes from the seeds of berries. MMM! The first time that beatiful taste of chocolate and caramel touched my lips, I instantly knew my life would never be the same. 

Now, you’re probably thinking this is going to turn into me bragging about how much more I could accomplish, much like one of those crossfit freaks who puts “coffee addict” and posts videos of himself power snatching 250 pounds every day at 4AM. No. My newest vice, coffee, instantly sent a shock of exhiliration down my spine that I haven’t felt since I sucked on my mom’s titty for the first time. I immediately had the urge to spit some of the best game I ever have seen (by myself or others). 

I immediately walked up to the counter, hoping to spur a little of giggling from the overweight, mulatto barista. Knowing that I had to hydrate due to the diaretics I have often heard about in coffe, I ordered a “bottle of water.” She immediately handed some bullshit cardboard milk carton full of water, smiled, at me and said “here you go.” 

Knowing I had to spit game and win her over due to my recently acquired superpower, I quipped, “this is good for the environment, right?” she confirmed, then I retorted: “good, then I’m going to throw it on the ground as soon as I get outside.” 

“You like littering?” she said. “Yes, it makes me feel very naughty.” I winked and walked away. As I sat down at my table to finish my final paper for the semester, she approached me with her newly minted business card on bone colored paper with Silian Rail typeface, handed it to me, and requested that I call her within the next 72 hours.

Today was the day I added one more vice to my collection of addictions. Today is the day I will never look back. If only I could go out and test it out at the BARS tonight – but I have to be up at 3AM for Crossfit.

Until next time, cheers.

-Kringle

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