Addiction (Guest Blog)

Addiction – Let’s talk about it. Booze, Cocaine, Strippers (the cocktail of trouble), gambling, winning, stealing, cheating, success, masturbation, puppies. Although most of these have had a net positive effect on society and continue to run almost all of my thought. These are some of the biggest vices that I have and will have for the rest of my life. 

But today I found a new vice. Something that I have never experienced before. Coffee. Did you know that coffee actually comes from coconut trees? Well it doesn’t. It comes from the seeds of berries. MMM! The first time that beatiful taste of chocolate and caramel touched my lips, I instantly knew my life would never be the same. 

Now, you’re probably thinking this is going to turn into me bragging about how much more I could accomplish, much like one of those crossfit freaks who puts “coffee addict” and posts videos of himself power snatching 250 pounds every day at 4AM. No. My newest vice, coffee, instantly sent a shock of exhiliration down my spine that I haven’t felt since I sucked on my mom’s titty for the first time. I immediately had the urge to spit some of the best game I ever have seen (by myself or others). 

I immediately walked up to the counter, hoping to spur a little of giggling from the overweight, mulatto barista. Knowing that I had to hydrate due to the diaretics I have often heard about in coffe, I ordered a “bottle of water.” She immediately handed some bullshit cardboard milk carton full of water, smiled, at me and said “here you go.” 

Knowing I had to spit game and win her over due to my recently acquired superpower, I quipped, “this is good for the environment, right?” she confirmed, then I retorted: “good, then I’m going to throw it on the ground as soon as I get outside.” 

“You like littering?” she said. “Yes, it makes me feel very naughty.” I winked and walked away. As I sat down at my table to finish my final paper for the semester, she approached me with her newly minted business card on bone colored paper with Silian Rail typeface, handed it to me, and requested that I call her within the next 72 hours.

Today was the day I added one more vice to my collection of addictions. Today is the day I will never look back. If only I could go out and test it out at the BARS tonight – but I have to be up at 3AM for Crossfit.

Until next time, cheers.

-Kringle

A Wet Apple

It looks like my much anticipated podcast debut is going to have to be put on hold for now.

This past weekend I went into NYC for the first time since officially moving out of there in the Spring. I will admit, it was a bit of an eerie feeling. Part of me didn’t miss the concrete jungle one bit, the other part of me realized that’s where all my friends are. Super mixed emotions for sure… Anyway, I went to an engagement party and I was asked to bring my “DJ equipment” . I am known to have many alter egos and one of mine is my DJ alias. My trident is yoga/wall street/DJing. The three headed dragon! Music has always been a passion of mine and I like to make people dance and add to a fun experience. Since we took a car into the city, bringing all the gear wasn’t really a problem for me, so I happily obliged.

The classic drunk mom… one hour into me absolutely crushing the ones and twos, I get a niceeee cannonball of champagne on my laptop from an elderly woman. The classic ” My only daughter is getting married so let me get hammered and soak this poor boys laptop in alcohol.”.. It’s a classic mistake. Happens all the time… I couldn’t get mad on such a special night for them. So me being a good sport, I see my laptop go pitch black and I decided to go full Charlie Chaplin. No screaming.. no overreacting, just pure internal pain that my laptop has gone full zero dark thirty. A bit impressed with my emotional control if I do say so myself.

Could this be a blessing in disguise? To be totally honest, I kind of hated my laptop. It was a MacBook Air from 5 years ago, with a two-bit dinky Amazon cover on it. The thing was garbage. Hand up on my end for picking the Air over the MacBook Pro in the first place. Barley used my laptop unless I was DJing or using it to Twitch Stream Madden.

In a turn of events of me being a “blogger” now, I needed this thing more than ever.. I can’t start my podcast up now or able to blog from the comfort of my home. I plan on going to the apple store Sunday and buying a brand new MacBook Pro. Why? Because I can. Why? Because I want to go back to being a laptop guy and using my phone less for things. Why? So I can set up my in-home podcast studio and have super cool guests on and churn some content out. I needed a new laptop anyway and this drunk soon to be mother-in-law was my savior. Thank you, lady.